Sunday, April 04, 2010
every single day brings occurrences that lay completely outside their forecast, but they could not figure out that they had not forecast them. much of what took place would have been deemed completely crazy with respect to the past. yet it did not seem that crazy after the events. this retrospective plausibility causes a discounting of the rarity and conceivability of the event. -nassim nicholas taleb.
1:09 AM
Sunday, March 21, 2010
erica needs to stop buying blue things. especially when they are in the same shade of blue. even though its really really nice.
really cant stand filling up uni apps. it just reminds me how little i have done in my life and in school. RAHH. and the stupid thing just refuses to save itself you know. hmmm. i think its the lack of sleep getting to me. this therefore starts the self promotion period where everyone talks themselves up and all the small little things in life just suddenly become oh so important.
on another note, i have this sudden craving for prata! jalan kayu prata! mmmmm. yumyum. anyone wanna go with me? :D
12:03 AM
Monday, March 15, 2010
After all that's said and done, I'll just go back to the same phrase
Pin your wings down.
10:36 PM
Saturday, March 06, 2010
its finally over. this whole A level saga.
everyone's feeling a whole wide range of emotions. me included.
I guess its the whole feeling of not knowing what's gonna happen next. I really envy those people who know what they wanna do in life and what their calling really is. I would kill for that feeling and sense of belonging. Some people might think I'm stupid and irritating for thinking this way. Cus I have the option of doing many things. But this is my life that I'm deciding right here and right now. Its just the feeling that I'm gonna regret decisions that I make now later on I guess. The uncertainty that I'm just plunging into a deep black hole.
But nonetheless, I'm thankful for everything so far. Thankful for having some options. Thankful for people in my life. Thankful for the memories that fill my life.
6:50 PM
Friday, February 26, 2010if we crawl till we can walk again then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump then we'll fly until there is no end so lets crawl. btl. ily.
10:43 PM
Monday, February 22, 2010
weighed down by the late night and surviving purely on caffeine, she sat down at the desk, ready for another day at work. its only been 3 weeks and she's just getting settled down into the daily routine of things. she's excited, a little. then, it came. it just took one single moment for everything to change.
all 70 odd of them joined forces and made her life hell. they didnt care what she was going through. didnt care how much she would have to go through. they just stayed there. slowly but surely, she sieved through them all. 23 questions remained unanswered. 23 people she hoped would be kind enough to give her their time. picking up the phone, she dialed the numbers one by one, trying her best to keep herself alive and sound pleasant to the strangers across the phone. she tried.
getting through 16, the day was wearing her down. then she made the mistake that she shouldnt have made. she didnt ask. she just thought. and she thought wrong. she apologizes. hopefully it doesnt come back to haunt her. she cant change it anymore. it was done. then the 17th stranger was rung. it was just a confirmation. but the confirmation was all that took to bring her down. way down. it was going smoothly, or so she thought. but then he asked. he wanted her name. then her surname. then her department. what did she do wrong, she thought. she thought she was doing okay. but apparently not. she was crushed. yes, she made mistakes before in the past, but this time, she thought she was okay. she was not. she thought she could handle it. she could not. she wanted to cry out. she could not. she asked her friends for guidance, for a shoulder to lean on, she was breaking down. they were reassuring, but just brushed it off saying it was no big deal. she couldnt. they joked that he was just flirting or wanted to praise her. she thought no way in hell. they didnt care. it wasnt happening to them. they couldnt understand that she was trying so hard to do everything perfectly. they couldnt understand how much she cared. for all the times that she screwed up already, she didnt want to do so anymore. she couldnt face herself screwing up anymore.
she couldnt hide from the fact. she did screw up. something did go wrong. she wanted to cry. blaming herself for all her failures. all the things that she just couldnt get right. but she couldnt. crying was just giving herself a reason for self-pity. she couldnt let herself show that weakness. she was supposed to be serious. to be reliable. but so far, she has failed miserably. she cant talk about it. she doesnt know how to. and the only person that might want to listen cant. she tried talking to others, they just dont want to hear. its her own fault they say, they wont be responsible. she's trying. god knows she is. she's just horribly lost.
and that, my friends, is murphy's law. pure and simple.
7:32 PM
Saturday, February 20, 2010pin your wings down if it's over now pin your wings down just take a chance somehow.
guess there's no way to avoid it and change the fact that its coming. my whole ploy trying to just not think about it worked up to this point but just like great friends do, they bring you back down to earth. and in some cases the deepest darkest places in hell. i dont deny that i'm really really scared and that i think i will break down totally and completely when i get my them. i just hope i dont embarrass myself too much. this is an advanced warning to those who will see me in school on that day. ask me that question and be prepared for a bucketload of tears or just no answer from me at all. if you dont find me around, dont try to find me.
i have half the mind to meet the rest of us on that day (and jump off the clock tower in nj/hwachong). so wait for me okay waner. i'll go with you.
cus this is not the time to dream, cus you just fall back harder, back to earth.
6:10 PM
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
what's worse than bad... REALLY BAD.
hopefully this week gets better soon.
I should really stop
12:44 AM
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
feeling... silly that i'm sitting here and waiting, stupid that i actually am doing so. silly that i actually thought things will change, stupid that i let myself think that way. silly that i thought i could handle everything, stupid that i trusted myself so much. silly that i hoped for something more, stupid to think that i'm worth that much more.
12:04 AM
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
for all that i've done wrong, i must have done something right to deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night <3
11:10 PM
mommy, i'm scared. will you hold my hand and show me the way?
2:16 AM
Friday, January 22, 2010
i hate it when you compare i hate it cus i know i cannot match up i hate it cus its a weakness of mine i hate it cus she is so much better than me i hate it when there's nothing i can do about it i hate it when i'm powerless i hate it when you doubt everything i do i hate it when you think that i'm useless and dumb i hate it when i've been trying so hard and nothing changes i hate it when the pressure gets to me i hate it when i cannot be proud of who i am i hate it when you make me feel ashamed of myself i hate it.
11:21 PM
Thursday, January 21, 2010 can you tell its me? :D
10:49 PM
i just recently found out that taylor lautner was the absolutely cute little boy from the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl. hotts ttm. :D HAHAHAHAA
"next time if i become prime minister i'll enforce a rule to purge all girls who dun shave. then guys who r gu niang's will be purged too" my entertainment for the day. :D
5:01 PM
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
they lost. kenna scammed. waste my time. fml. HAHAHAHHAA
5:45 PM
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
crazy bat. just squeeze your way through my window like that and scare the shit out of me! thank goodness you're out of my room!!!
10:59 PM
Friday, January 15, 2010
i had the strangest dream yesterday. it was something about a karaoke competition and lady gaga's bad romance. imagine the horror. this definitely has something to do with wong yunjie! this is what shopping with you does to me! HAHAHAHA :D
4:50 PM
Sunday, January 03, 2010make a difference. leave a mark.
1:34 AM
Saturday, January 02, 2010
happy new year friends. (:
thanks for everything last year. and lets make 2010 all the better <3
